Dumpster Dive #14: Questionable Substances

Can you smell the sweet scent of bin juice? You’ve stumbled upon Dumpster Dive, where we scrape the bottom of the barrel for dumb decks to take to your next gig! Join us as we sift through the dregs for decklists that are kick-ass, giga-brain, or sometimes just downright deranged. Featuring Commoner, Project Blue, and Ultimate Pit Fight, we’ve only scratched the surface of what the world of jank has to offer… If you’re willing to get your hands dirty!

Hey there... it's been a while.

Dumpster Dive continues to survive, despite my greatest efforts to run it into the ground and free myself from the prison I created. I'm pretty favoured into most matchups except "The Consequences of My Own Actions". I'm about 10% into that one. Luckily, there are a surprising number of people out there who actually enjoy reading the ramblings of a man driven to madness by one too many "iT's kANo BUt WiTh atTaCK AcTiONs" decklists.

If you missed our last foray into the garbage heap, you'll be shocked/concerned/scared/aroused to learn that Dumpster Dive has opened its arms to Project Blue and Ultimate Pit Fight. I'll still be covering Commoner as well, but it's safe to say painstakingly scrounging through draft chaff to find just one more card with X object in the artwork to complete your one-note gimmick deck is now optional.

Smash Palace hits shelves next week, and I'm particularly excited about the Event Deck, which adds some much needed baba ghanoush to Flesh and Blood's multiplayer format. Many shenanigans are to follow, and I want YOU to be a part of it. Show me your most diabolical Ultimate Pit Fight concoctions. I want ALL the jank. Give it to me. My body is ready.

Righto, let's scrounge for our next Landfill Legend...

Project Blue - The Hangover

We're pre-loading our Project Blue fender bender with an absolute rager, folks! This is Gravy Bones before he sobered up and became a functioning adult, something we can all relate to. Gravy Bones loves to knock back Goldkiss Rum, but unfortunately during his youth he was unable to legally acquire any, so he's made do with a few potions (or 17). Viðar Vignisson's deck revolves around setting up Gravy Bones for a crazy night out on the piss. Choose 1 of 10 drinking buddies from your inventory (Viðar recommends Chowder, who knows all the best restaurants), knock back as many potions as you can stomach, and let loose...

The rest of the cards in this deck depict the wild night that lies ahead. Party hard, rip ya shirt off, get into fights, steal and loot, inject mystery glowing green liquid directly into your veins in a shady back alley, wager your gold and silver like there's no tomorrow, lose all of those wagers, then lay low as you hide from all the people you owe money to. Viðar has even graciously packed you a spare pair of pants in the inventory. See you in the morning, sunshine!

Commoner - Smoke Break

Next up in the line of questionable substances is the old filthy cigarette. With no dragons available, Antons Kijaņica has opted to go for a chain-smoking Dromai deck with the sole purpose of generating ash. What does Dromai do with the ash? Absolutely nothing! Wow, just like a real cigarette!

We've got Ornate Tessen to fan away the smell if we have unexpected company, we've got a nicotine-fuelled Adrenaline Rush, and we've even got a way to Brush Off the ash to keep our clothes nice. There's no end goal to this strategy, you'll just be burning through cards in your deck just like how cigarettes burn through your wallet. Seriously folks, smoking kills.

Ultimate Pit Fight - Royal Rumble

For our first Ultimate Pit Fight feature on Dumpster Dive, I'm throwing my own hat into the ring. The third questionable substance is pure, unfiltered, raw GASOLINE!!! We begin with a Crown of Dominion in play, but don't worry - it's not actually for us! Using cutting edge deck filtering technology (the classic roundup of Sink Below, Fate Foreseen, Whisper of the Oracle, Sift, and Eye of Ophidia), we will find a copy of Scarf for a Scarf, and SWAP our Crown of Dominion with another hero's head piece. But why? I hear you scream and whinge. Quite simply, we are searching for a copy of Regicide, juicing it to the moon, and attacking our newly Royal-ed colleague, winning THE ENTIRE UPF GAME in a single blow.

Regicide doesn't have stealth or contract, and we don't currently have a way to give it an effect like dominate. We have to get a little creative, and to do that, we're aiming to load up Regicide with all the +3 power buffs we can get our hands on. Nimby searches Nimblism to tuck away in arsenal, Prismatic Leyline is crazy good because Regicide is a blue, and of course, we have access to Shred. But even all that might not be enough. Swing a Spider's Bite, and in reactions, flick the other one. Assuming your opponent doesn't defend the dagger (if they do, that's one less card in hand), then when they try to defend Regicide, all their attack action cards will get -2 defense. If you're lucky, they'll also have less cards to defend with after being attacked by another player.

And yet, that may still not even be enough. But we're smart, we plan our monarch-slaying in advance. Because we started with Crown of Dominion, we have a Gold on board. We might even pick up one more Gold from Money Where Ya Mouth is. We use this spare cash to fuel Knick Knack Bric-a-brac to fetch Potion of Strength and/or Amethyst Amulet from our deck, pumping the Regicide even further, and getting ourselves banned from UPF Night.

And now… The moment you’ve all been waiting for…

Our thirteenth Landfill Legend…

For knocking back a few too many...

Viðar Vignisson!

Congratulations, Viðar. You don’t win anything, but if you play the ambient sound of a crowd cheering in the background it will feel like you’ve won a prize. Remember to drink responsibly, and maybe don't get behind the wheel of the Battalion Barque anytime soon...

To the rest of you, have you got what it takes to make Cadaverous Contraband Uzuri a threat worth getting a restraining order against? Have you been taking home the bacon with Moon Wish Sun Kiss Verdance? Does your reds-only Iyslander deck go harder than eating shredded cheese straight out of the bag at 3AM? Submit your deck to the form below and you could become the next Landfill Legend!

I’m going to go wash my hands now… catch you in the next Dumpster Dive!